Saturday, April 30, 2005

i'm going crazy becoz my life is so cramped with so many different people and things... i feel so stressed becoz of ss now... i only want to study e.lit... not any other subjects... but i'm slacking tis whole afternoon and evening coz i just can't force myself to study... i'll torture myself tmr instead... arrrggghhh!!!! i hate studying ss!!! i don't even noe anything abt deterrence, defence, UN and ASEAN!!!all also copy copy copy then hand in to sir then fail fail fail... diaoz... arrrggghhh!!! wat's ur prob? why are you doing this to me? i hate it, i just hate tis whole thing-- it's stuck at the wrong level... i'm still trapped up there, unable to get off safely... haiz... if only i knew wat is really happening... coz i dun noe where the prob lies... i'm stuck. i see an ominous sign somewhere... it's looking good now when in fact it isn't good... why is life always so ironic? i dun understand why ppl like us hv to be tortured like tt? it's like heaven's playing around with us, making such a fool of us... we were happy all tis while for nothing... for nothing. i feel so cheated, so worried someone will break down sooner or later. how could she take this for such a long time? i want to help, but i can't, coz i dunno how to go abt tis... and it's more than me, more than a someone, it's my many someones... haiz... dun make a sport of me. my life's havoc enough.

Meiyan fell in love on 2:23 PM.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

singing and listening to qi li xiang currently... know the hearts of ppl better. tink tis is the beginning of me entering the adult world. me beginning to understand the troubles of the hearts and black side of ppl... shouldn't bother myself abt ppl who despise their fellow mates, worse, their friends... but i really hate it, when i tink of all the things they have done to me. and ev'thing they have done to my friends. ev'thg they have done has turned our lives upside down... i guess i'm not alone... or at least i have heard, and known... now listening to tong hua... haha... stressed now. scared of exams. shall not force myself too hard, but i'll try my best. kkx... i'm really happy. really glad i m luckier than some ppl. i thank god for ev'thing he has given me, my true friends, my family, my life. that i was born here, not somewhere else, that i'm much more fortunate than others. that i'm the luckier one. there really are times when ppl get down and cheer up, and now i see it. that opening one's heart to the light and persevering is the best solution. =)

Meiyan fell in love on 8:30 AM.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

yea!!! got my new contacts on sat... then the stupid opician forced them into my eyes until my left eye turned totally bloodshot red... tried them on yesterday and today... wearing it now feels wierd, everything looks gong to me... is it too deep or something? wateva... having a horrible headache now... in fact i had it when i was half-way through guides act anw... until now, it's worse than ever. splitting my head into two... hope tmr can play that praxis game... haha... relieve stress... today was a bit wierd at one moment in time... the wierd expression and behaviour when we passed each other... haiz... guess tt's it for my tuition... all 6 of them prefer yew tee... eactually i dun realli mind, though i do mind a bit... but i noe my mum really really minds me travelling to yew tee ev'sun. only if smone can drive me there EV' sun... mind you, must be every, not sometimes, that's the prob... them i can go... if not, i really can't. even alternating also cannot... haiz... fine, i'm not a e.lit student, coz i can't talk my mother round... i'll keep to writing... wat's the use? it helps u relieve stress and pour out all ur woes... gonna stop physics tuition after this month, 2 more weeks... so i organised it and now i'm dropping out, feel like i'm so mafan, like i'm such an obstacle to others... heck... jiayou kkx girl... no matter what happens, i'll be there for you... and family will forever be family, they're the ones who r definitely gonna stay with u all ur life... it's just different from friendship, totally another thing... hope i'll get use to my new contacts... no time to put them on in the morn, so i'm notwearing them to school yet, until i'm expertised at putting them on... which will be forever... haha... =)

Meiyan fell in love on 12:45 PM.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

kkx... came back late ev'day for tis whole wk... had so many tests... today had some e.lit test... well, bought cl's prezzie at jp after cca... yea! so nice lor... got such a big pile of h/w waiting for me over the weekend... just great, and exams are coming... ahh!!! now i really do understand every person has a dark side, some sad thing inside them, it's always like that. tt's life. feels kind of... i dunno how to put it into words. like i've just simply lost myself, lost the innocent and naive me. perhaps i was more ignorant last time, guess i still am? wateva, tis sadness... yet i tell myself to be strong. y shld i tink of the unhappy things. all the trouble, i dun want to turn into a crybaby. life's really like havoc. if i were to look on the dark side, i'd be crying ev'second ev'day, in sch, on the streets, at home. i'd need the psychiatrist, and i'd get my family and friends all worried. wateva problems, will not last forever. It can be solved. Even if it can't, you know it won't haunt u ur whole life, just live with it for 2 to 4 years. seem to see quite some bad thgs happening now, underneath all that happy faces... can't deceive myself, but y shld i? i'll take it as it is, keep it inside until it buries and disappears in me one day... *sob* but some ppl seem to remain innocent and normal as ever, they are so lucky, really... i want my childhood innocence back...

Meiyan fell in love on 2:30 AM.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

haha... today girls group syf... and shi tong's ballet exam... and our physics test... haiz... stress... tmr still got maths class test. and after sch i got chinese oral... so damn scary, shall just go there and crap... today went jp lib with seok and sok, then went mac... then go home liao... not bad... i hvn't reached home early once yet for the whole of this week so far, won't get to tmr... neither on fri coz it's a cca day, which i seriously enjoy... i like fridays and hate mondays anyway... gonna try on contacts on sat... heehee... great, now my mother is shouting and caning my brother... coz my two brothers quarrelled and 1 of them answered back and retaliated... always like that, 鸡犬不宁，haiz... shall pia maths tmr... and guess wat... the hp chain my brother gave to me as b'day prezzie dropped... dunno go where liao, somewhere in jp... and now, my hp spoilt. I tink too old liao, then i'm getting msgs that i sent to others from wierd ppl... tis is like horror movie coming alive... i nv did send them to those ppl, but i'm getting my own msgs... and then the alphabets are becoming into bits one by one... like aliens moving swimming around the hp screen... and now... the whole thg has gone haywire, wat's supposed to be at the top, bottom, left, right and center are all shifted and mixed up, just great... stupid hp... happy that the dancce syf are over... happy for them coz they can finally relax... haha =)

Meiyan fell in love on 12:45 PM.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

truly madly deeply is really nice... kkx... pissed. y do i keep waiting for ppl? and i tink i very patient lor... yesterday wait for hy and st for 1.5 hrs... today got bangse... spend half and hour choosing my clothes, 1 hr dressing up, 2 hrs travelling there, then wait at the mrt area 1 whole hour, no nina, no jean, no kf ppl... i 1 person at somerset... call nina no answer, sms also no reply, sms jean but she at com meeting... others nv turn up... didn't brg water bottle coz i left in a rush tinking i'd be late... thirst to death over there... hvn't eat lunch for the whole day, only ate breakfast at 9.30 am... starve over there... then so sianz... bored to death. stand and loiter so long... tink i used up too many sms... then in the end went home without any shopping or anything. i took the mrt for abt 2,3 stops then nina sms me say she at cine... diaoz, so unlucky, gg home liao lor... haiz... so altogether feels like i'm played out... haiz...now, i've been waiting over 1 hr just for the digital camera from my brother... stupid... keep waiting and waiting... pissed liao... tmr still got tuition starting, dun feel like going... life is unfair!... just wierd why kf outing only got pl and ps go, then nobody turned up...

Meiyan fell in love on 1:15 PM.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

i just realized a trend in my blog... all the entries start wit h. and they go heyz, hmm, heyz, headache, hmm... so sian lor... ok, wateva...today woke up early at 6.30 then go je for flag day... early in the morning gave yj and yn their many and ex presents... haha... wasted money going in and out of the mrt then going in again... yesterday accidentally leave my plastic bag of cca clothes and a mathes txtbk in the canteen, so stupid, just went home with my bag like tt... then today flag day we went to school to ask for donations (didn't noe it was illegal), so i found my stuff and took it. then they made my bag so damn heavy, and it was such a rainy day... got all wet and soggy, still got splashed by bus... after that we went IKEA, eat hotdog and shop, kind of just plkay around with the nice stuff there... i like the soft toys!!! then went overhead bridge to collect donations... there quite good lor... got quite a lot, but my shoulders and arms were aching from carrying my heavy bags. yup, came across this funny woman who asked us so many questions abt wat it was abt and then gave us a bookmark from her church. another auntie even worse, donated so long ago, suddenly come all the way up with her child just to tell us girls are very neao... then say we must ask $10 from girls...??? like a wat the? then got ppl take money out hide in their hand pretend dun want to donate when they had prepared to donate, also got ppl take money like want to donate then in the end never donate... oh, and one whole family donate some coins then took 4 stickers... diao... wateva... after that, went back to je, return the can, going up then see the dancers, shld have taken our cans back and go make them donate haha... stupid gs, see us two times also nv donate... anw, went jp to shop. quite ok la... but was feeling a bit sian.... disgusting mel yeo and anna mixed all the mac stuff and drank the rubbish... then we so childish and crazy, went toys r us to play with toys!!! and we went to op to dress up and ran out without buying anything... saw qiao han. later we went home. just reach home then go back to jp again cos st was there. bought my new schoolbag. saw qh, ch and edmund there... haha.so, basically, my legs are breaking. tt's today.=)

Meiyan fell in love on 3:27 PM.

Friday, April 01, 2005

okie... quite long nv come here liao... hmm... realized certain things are hard to change... just like i can't change anything abt them, i can't change certain thgs in myself... certain thgs are unchangeable until fate changes it for you... so i'm keeping happy (as happy as i can already) and taking things as they come, living each day as it goes, surviving... i dunno if thgs woul really improve, or how long i can hold out... but well... tt's the only thing left for me i guess. well, talking abt tis and tt just isn't gd... hmm... looking forward to birthdays haha... and doing cip with my friends... geez, wonder who will get to be scs tis yr and who are our future guides leaders... interesting... btw... hu is jian arh, cl?

Meiyan fell in love on 12:38 PM.


Struck by Love

(( Meiyan =)
(( Feb 09 1990
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(( Jailbrk 17' 03~04
(( esprit de corp 21' 05~06

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